Ferguson

I got lazy after reading over 200 pages of transcripts, where I found that only about 40 pages were meaningful… Before I continue to discuss about what I think of the result, I’d like to say that justice is subjective and abides to what an individual’s moral standard is. The results of the case is, therefore, a collective response of what the society considered as conventionally justified. When the conventions are challenged with the change of time, amendments of law are resulted. These moral justifications should however be applied only after all the information, if attainable and available, are presented. My opinions, thus even after reading these transcripts, would still be biased like everyone who has two cents about the matter.

In short, I don’t think Wilson shoot Brown out of KKK like racial discrimination but similar toward the conclusion of the movie “Crash” (2006). However, does this truly justice the life? No. To me, Wilson had committed Voluntary Manslaughter or 3rd Degree Murder. This was covered in the list of charges stated in [3] P.132. His “fear” was like that ending scene in Crash. An idea that triggered the shoot given the right condition, an inception due to the depiction of of our media and society.

Getting into a little more detail…. From [1], If you are in the driver’s position grabbing a person that is separated by the car door, especially for a big person such as Darren Wilson, your torso would be turned and leaned in an angle from your lower body. Why would you want to pull a big person, 300lb and 6’4, into the car from the driver’s seat? What are you trying to accomplish? Get him to give you a giant blowjob? Furthermore, Brown hit Wilson on the left side of Wilson’s face, so I assuming Brown used his right hand for this. Afterward, Wilson used his right hand to grab Brown’s forearm, I am assuming it’s Brown’s right arm because Brown was about to swing his left fist toward the right side of Wilson’s face. I am then assuming he lose his grab on Brown’s right arm when Wilson tried to reach his gun. This whole set of interaction I could only imagined to be choreographed by Hollywood and nothing else, was Wilson high?

During the straggle, how do you have time to tell him you are going to shot him if you are so fear of your life? Have you watch Crash (2006)? What is this? A comic book? “Let me tell you how I am going to attack you before I attack you and you will still get hit despite you know my move~” Now which hand did Brown used to jam Wilson’s gun? What happened to Wilson’s free hand? If Brown used his left hand to jam the gun? Huh?

I am fine that you, as a police officer, went chase after Brown, a suspect. However, now that Brown realized Wilson would use his gun and Brown started running away, he was running away and THEN Brown was like, “Hey, you know what it’s around two motherfucker and started charging at Wilson again at 30-40 feet away while Wilson has his gun in his hand ready to shoot.” However,The county examiner did stated that Brown’s body had traces of THC which could impair Brown’s judgement, thus leading into the gun grab and second confrontation. On another hand, why couldn’t Wilson shoot Brown’s leg during the chase instead?

Johnson in [2], while given that he was Brown’s friend so it’s likely he was biased, recounted the similarities with Wilson’s testimony. At the same time, he saw that Brown, while he did not raise his hand for submission, he was showing his belt area that his was unarmed. Just this one difference in perspective has become a strong indication that Wilson was potentially truly feared and thought that killing Brown was his only chance of “Survival”. This then return to my earlier question of why did he not use another alternative mean to capture Brown? I personally think this is a strong enough “Probable Cause” indict Wilson.

In [3], the contradictions among the testimonies were unusually high. Give that I have only skim through the Grand Jury transcript and first transcript. I have also read two of the short testimonies and brief through Wikipedia (I know, this is may be worse than getting Obama’s speech from Fox News.) However, it was a good starting point. These contradictions which I think is based on the similar ideas suggested in the previous paragraph, to me, remain suggestive to be a probable cause. Another strange thing in this case is what Justice Scalia, I know… but for once I agree with him, in [4], the process that the persecutor was involved seemed very biased as if they don’t want to indict Wilson no matter what. Well it worked.

Lastly in [1], it was Wilson’s first time killing someone, and it has only been three months but he doesn’t seems to be bothered by it. I mean… I don’t know how it should feel when you kill someone but I don’t think calm should be one of the words to be used to describe the recollection. Before I close, I would just like to state that I feel the same way as in [5]. Even though I am not Black or don’t have a gigantic penis, I’m sympathetic and I’m introspective. Was it racism? I think it has definitely played a role.

Reference:

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Llwdma6zVhA&feature=youtu.be

[2] http://www.mediaite.com/tv/michael-brown-friend-who-witnessed-shooting-rebuts-wilsons-version-of-events/

[3] http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/11/25/us/evidence-released-in-michael-brown-case.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

[4] http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2014/11/26/3597322/justice-scalia-explains-what-was-wrong-with-the-ferguson-grand-jury/

[5] http://www.cbsnews.com/news/nfl-players-facebook-post-on-ferguson-darren-wilson-michael-brown-decision-goes-viral/

What is love?

What is love!? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me! No More!~

I have recent come across to this article. In short as you may have read on their first line: Kindness and generosity. Here are my two cents about it, the construct of love based on someone who don’t think he has ever been in love romantically. To me, I feel like the two terms can further be broken down into one idea: Genuinely Selfless.

On a facebook response to my friend, I said “I think that love is not just about being genuinely selfless and the resistance to love is not just of self-worthiness. There are also practical and fear of failure played into it. Moreover, I think the concept of love, let it be romantic or platonic, defined by the east or the west, has this poetic and mysterious quality to it. I think in a way it serves as a motivation and direction for a relationship to grow, and love would also grow stronger or weaker as a result, like a circle. (Which was kind of mentioned in the article)”

Searching for love is a game of chance, it’s often that Mr/Ms. Right and Mr/Ms. Compatible are not that same person. By compatible I mean pragmatically, it seems to be that there is always something that comes in the way of what it seems to be true love and affection. This means that RIGHT is coming from what the heart is telling you while COMPATIBLE is coming from what the MIND is telling you. In another word, Consciousness and Subconsciousness. It would be ideal if both aligns but how often will that be? Even with the advancement in technology, the notion of romantic love is rather old school in term of building its foundations, face to face commitment and communication. The problem with subconsciousness driven action is that you don’t know the direction and the endpoint of the journey you are going. You just want to do it. You are doing it while searching for the answer in hope that you may find it one day so you wouldn’t regret when you look back. This on another hand could make you wonder the what if. What if you are wrong? What is you are actually missing out? What is missing out, what is that opportunity cost or trade-off? This can be cause by both your subconscious mind and/or your consciousness. If this is the case, I hope that my other entry, Success. For those born to be selfless people… Good Luck… Or consider the following 🙂

Ting’s guide to a loving romantic relationship:

1) Physical Attraction and lust: Did you imagine the person naked? Or thinking to yourself that she is really cute/pretty/beauty/gorgeous (Not sexy or hot However) on the first sight? Or wonder to yourself, she has a really cute butt 😉 (Sorry I am using the only female gender here but you get the gist… or jizz [Bad Joke] )

2) Personal Connection: Once you guys started talking, do you enjoy your conversation and wanting to continue that when it has to end? Do you feel like you know each other very well despite only know the other person for a relatively short time. There may, of course, be dry moments I think or I would like to convince myself. The main question is, are you willing to trust the person and open up with him or her? Is he/her willing to do the same to you? (aka no secret… kind of)

3) Ideals convergence: What do you want in life IN ADDITION to her? Career or family wise…? Will you support him/her? Will he/she do the same to you? If you are broke, will he or she continue to encourage to chase your goal or ask you and get a job and provide? Is money in the equation? How big of a factor is it?

4) Other fishes in the Sea: Here is where the opportunity cost and the economically evaluation embedded in human emotion came into play. What is the practical effect on you? That is, is this person approved by your friends and relatives? Religions? And more pragmatically, your career goal or financial/economically situation? Is this a person worth of your time in the long run? That is, how much do you really know about this person and how do you know this person will go the extra mile for you in compare your past experience or how much you would give out. If you CANNOT state an example and a concise reason, you may be blinded by your own bias of love… This is DANGEROUS!! Try to live together for half a year and then try to live apart, like long distance, for another half year and see how your relationship has changed. Can you remain loyal to the other person?

5) Love? How much are you willing to give up and compromise for him/her? Your relationship to your family? Friends? Career? Will he/she suffer with you if you are broke? How far will you and the other person go for each other?

What is Success?

This question, “What is Success?”, may have perhaps come across my mind for multiple times unnoticed like that guy who walked passed by you every Sunday morning, who could potentially be your greatest business partner that will dominate the industry for decades, or the girl sat next to you on that bus ride two weeks ago, who could be the love of your life but you hesitated to make a move. This is correlated to my other post, Carpe Fading Diem, in that something we will have to live with an unintended consequence or unexpected opportunity cost, which we will often respond with, “If I had known…”. However, the thing is that we will never know whether or not we are successful until we look back, without regret. We should never look back with regret regardless, regret would only hold us back from moving forward. What about treating it as a lesson, a life lesson?  Whatever happened should only make you stronger… That is, if you have survived through the horror of it, if it was tragic event… I apologize if am I not sensitive enough to empathize with tragedies, but pragmatically speaking, what good will it do for you if you looking back without getting anything out of it?

What is Success? I am depressed, just want to let that out of the way. I am depressed because I have hopes and dreams, but also the lack of hopes or the fear of failure and conflicts of hopes… It’s complicated but I am sure you would understand, I think it happens to everyone at some points in their life. It seems to me that everything people discuss nowadays in term of being successful is to be rich and famous and influential. No doubt, I, too, want to be one of those individuals, following the Neo-American Dream or the Chinese Dream or the whatever dream our furious “leader” has “introduced” to us, with worldwide influences and smiling next to Oprah and the Queen. However, I am also talking about opportunity cost and regret. To me, a task is only successful when you recollect on it and there were no triggers of regret or the question of “what if”, that what you did only brought your joyous smile generated from the bottom of your heart, that you feel good even years later.

However, the path of success is never a smooth ride, which would only make that success taste even better. As I have said, I am depressed because of the fear of failure in hope of success. Here is where the problem comes in and it’s the main point I would like to discuss, what does success mean to you? The thing is, no one is perfect and no one’s life is filled with only successful events. Life is about trade-off and in the end it only matters on whether or not YOU think what you did was worth it. What I am saying is that, there are different aspects that define who you are and it’s your choices of what define how success you are, you were and will be. Don’t rely on Forbe Magazine and Time’s 100. These different aspects , love, career/financial, friends… could all be an opportunity cost for you to consider when you have a choice to make. The only way to “Carpe Diem” as people put it is not only putting up your 100% while doing it but also preparing for it and finding it. Opportunity doesn’t mean anything if you were not ready for it. I am at a point where I have to choose and that I have multiple fears… But CARPE DIEM! I asked myself multiple times on what is important to me, and rather than thinking about it, I think it may be a good idea to go with your gut feeling or your heart or whatever equivalent metaphors you’d like to use once in a while. What I am saying, in conclusion, not that anything I have said are scientific, is that we should listen to what our heart, or what our subconscious desires, when we choose a direction, but use my mind and judgement on how to achieve it. This way, event if you have that trigger of regrets, you could justify the why with your own heart. (This is not the same as impulsiveness or that Crush you have during your English Seminar) Just remember this, wealth and fame cannot define who you are.

PS. I hate that people said you can’t bring money with you when you die, but the thing is you can’t bring ANYTHING, so that is a horrible example.

Carpe “Fading” Diem

Carpe Diem, if anyone would search it online and if you are feeling lucky, you would learn that immediately that term means “Seize the Day” in Latin. In my view, it’s the classy way of saying “YOLO”, the American way  😉

Aside my from cheesy sarcastic Americanism and awkwardly presented, with a slight hint of stalker-ish, winky face emo-con, what I really want to discuss is the notion of happiness and its role in our memory when being washed against with time. Hence, I titled this entry the most American way possible, inserting an English word into the middle of a Latin phrase without searching for its correctness in grammar and the word’s Latin translation. I simply assumed that it will work out and believe that you, perhaps you are the only who may have stumble upon this post and may have read up to this point, would get the meaning of the title, Seize the Fading Day.

Time flies and life is nothing but a bag of sadness. Beginning is always joyous but it ALWAYS ends in death, the inevitable closure for everything that exist event time. When there is a consciousness, there is unconsciousness. Writing this post depresses me. Make me wonder why are we working so hard to get nothing? But Carpe Diem! Everything moment you wasted is something that never gets back and so why not utilize it to the fullest? What is the point of this post that life is a summation of choices your make. So think about WHY you want to choose to do something before you do. I think it’s the only time one is allowed to sit still and think. Don’t spend too long thinking however, you should search it in your subconsciousness (Or your heart) and create that imaginary into a reality. I used the word create instead of make because I think it is more meaningful. Everyone is unique so everyone should create who they are instead of following the images that a rich sexist mother lover instructs HIS magazine to say so. If you can’t find it, that simply mean you HAVE not experience enough. Try out new things, explore new places, and meet new people. Don’t limit yourself within your comfort zone. Every time I feel too comfortable, I demand for a change. Life what Steve Jobs had said in his Stanford Commencement Speech, “…Getting fired from Apple was the best thing that has ever happened to me… It freed me up…” (I might ave paraphrased it) Be free and be dare and CREATE you own opportunity, but be prepare for it.

Lesson Zero

To live, to learn, and to love.
What is life without love and passion?
Is love and passion a choice or a destiny?
It is often the hardest when life is presented with choice?
Should we try harder or move on in hope
That another opportunity will be come?
A better opportunity? How would we know
If we have not tried harder?
This freewill is what makes humanity human,
This freewill is what creates conflicts among men,
A conflict of interest, or is it an interest in conflicts?
Whatever we choose will be added
To what our life would be become.
Only then will we know
If that is a good choice
Or not
Only then will we be able to learn
And not to regret
Life is an integration of choices
So only time could allow us
To know who we are and how
To live, to learn, and to love.

Being Human

Allow to pre-warn you that this post is going to be pretty “Emo”… and I probably don’t be able to add humor to it. I am just in this downward spiral path that I don’t know what I should be doing anything. This may perhaps be the first time I am feeling so lost and I thought I have had things under control. While I can’t explicitly explain what these problems are, I want to talk about what being human is. I don’t know so I googled it. I looked at the first two links:

1) http://www.ted.com/conversations/19143/what_does_it_mean_to_be_human.html

2) http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Human

I have only skim through them because like everything philosophical I have asked, I think what is truly yours would require you to ask yourself without any external influences… So I stopped reading and decided to write about it.

The cause of this is that I fucked up. I hurt the person I don’t want to hurt the most, my mom. To be honest, I have been doing nothing but hurting since the day I exist. That is, since when I was in her womb. Her selfless caring and sacrifice for me have hurt me even more every time I looked back, each time worse than the time before. Despite the fact that I felt my intention was good, my action ended hurting her. So what is being human?

Is it love? Is it conflict? Is it choices? Is it consciousness? Or something else? To be honest, nothing is simple and straight forward. What is the simplest is often the most complicated. Being human is just living and knowing that we are living as the only mean of knowing our own existence. How do we know that we existence, is it through the validation of another or the validation myself or both? Obviously, if you have read my previous posts you would have already known the answer… Both. I think that humanity is built upon community, which in microscopic scale it about interpersonal relationships and self-awareness, the relationship of oneself. Everyone in self-perceived existence is composed of a combination of how you are being perceived by others and how you see yourself. (I know I have used a very strong tone here with the “is”… Of course as I have also said, feel free to enlighten me) However, the most important question is how you view these relationship you had with others and yourself because they dictate how you would like to be seen and which mask or masks you would like to pick on. (I may talk about this mask idea next week if needed.) This masks are you actions and the masks not shown are your secrets. They say the truth hurt. It’s true because I shown my mom one of my previously hidden mask to her and she was hurt. I explained, but of course, that didn’t work… So what I am asking is what should we do when we are to choose masks to wear? Opening up, showing more of your masks, give you vulnerability but it also gives you courage, strength, and trust. This is also where the conflicts come in. These different display of yourself is derived by reasons by different desires you have in the relationship with other person or persons. Some could be love, some could be consciousnesses, and some could be a personal goal where you need other’s supports to achieve. For more than often it is very likely that one of these conflicts with another desire, a conflict of interest. You, as a human, would have to choose if you should let it go or keep it. This is the problem I am having right now. My personal goal is conflicting with my other desires. In this case especially, Morphy’s Law applied. While I don’t want to discuss especially what I am dealing with, just think what is the worse situation is and there you go… So what is being human and what should I choose? What would you choose if you are in my shoes?